• Swift Divorce Settlements: The No-Fault Basis
  • August 8, 2017
  • Divorce is one of the greatest stressors a person can experience in life — even if it’s amicable. However, this is rarely the case. Often, the first thing couples do is point fingers. There’s certainly plenty of blame to be thrown around, and though it may seem like the right thing to do in the moment, is it worth it?

    Dr. Wayne Dyer, the award-winning author and powerful motivational speaker, has a perspective on blame that we believe in:

    “All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame [him], it will not change you. The only thing blame does is keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming [him], but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.”

    This statement rings particularly true when it comes to divorce. It’s vital to understand what it is you’re trying to achieve. Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? What does it really mean for you to win your divorce battle? While your ex-spouse may have failed you as a partner, (and you have every right to be angry), leaving off on a poor note after finalizing your divorce agreement will only cause more discomfort for both of you. If you’re a parent, you will surely have to face your ex-spouse on a regular basis. What happens when you see your ex at your children’s soccer game next week? What about graduation? Will your leftover hostility inhibit what should be a celebration? Considering these circumstances is fundamental when navigating life after divorce, and a clear head and open mind will serve you best.

    Post Polak’s Siobhan Beere specializes in New Jersey Family Law, and says she often advises clients that unless there is some compelling reason (i.e., legitimate concerns regarding custody), it is best to file for divorce based on irreconcilable difference — the “no fault” basis. Airing out the dirty laundry usually will not help your court case, and may hinder your ability to reach a cordial settlement.

    Divorce litigations are expensive, time consuming and emotionally straining, for all parties involved. And that “win” in-court feeling, if you achieve it, is fleeting. So, ask yourself, which is better: Being right, or being happy? No one ever truly wins divorce battles, but with the right amount of care alongside an experienced and understanding legal counsel, the causalities can be limited.